IT'S TIME

Just stopped the alarm ringing while lying on the bed, but just after five minutes, it started to ring again and finally, it was able to irritate my sister sleeping beside me who asked me why I even set alarms when she is the one who always wakes me up. I think I knew the answer and that's so obvious like if I have not set the alarm who will then wake her up. Though I preferred to be quiet rather than answering her question. Well, it's 7:56 am. Nowadays, I often run out of time.

My classes will start at 8:00 am. I always rarely manage to log in at the time and luckily escape the teacher's online yelling. As soon as my first lecture ended, I had my breakfast. I was attending back to back classes till 2 pm. It became so tiring at the end, though I never missed it. This was the part of the day where I use to forgot our current situation, all covid thing and about the last thought I, yesterday slept with. Sometimes this monotonous routine helped me to find an escape from all the unanswered things I was going through, but sometimes it made me feel like a machine. I felt like doing nothing. I preferred to be quiet everywhere. Switching on my camera while in class made me nervous. Hearing my name from teachers, I interacted happily six months before, now frightened me. It was like I was not appreciating my existence. That day, my sister had a meet with her friends on zoom. They all were talking, laughing and enjoying each other presence. For a moment, this made me happy, but just after few seconds, it felt like, I was the most irritated person on the Earth and just asked her to go to some other room. Sometimes I act impulsively while sometimes I became emotional and sad. Living with all these emotions at the same time was making it harder to bear. All I knew was that it wasn't normal. I didn't want to sleep with the same fear or thought. I want this to be ended. I searched about it. I dug deep into the internet and found out something that I was aware of, people were calling anxiety, fear. Mental health issue, at first I was just not ready to accept it. I mean I just look fine. Those confused emotions might be due to something else, but with each passing day, it had only worsened.

It was time for me when I must accept it and be a little kind to me and I did the same. That day, I made a promise that I would help myself to get out of this like many people who wrote on the internet that how they fought and won against this.